Rouge Sangue Rank-Up Request :)

Name: Rouge Sangue
Current Rank: Numero
Desired Rank: Fraccion (Riko Suzumei's - I got permission from Riko :3)
Holder of desired rank: No one

Spoiler:

Japan was a nice country - it's streets were clean, it's alleys were surprisingly less filthy than most, and it's people were courteous - most of the time. It was in one of these alleys that a woman stood, her entire form radiating with a sheer, unmatched thrill. She had locks of the brightest red, and matching eyes that glittered with feral joy in the moonlight that bathed her; her lips, painted the same glorious red, were parted to reveal gleaming white teeth, in a large grin. The woman wore a large, ridiculous scarlet dress; the low-cut bodice and the large, flared-out bottom were of a deep red color, matching her red leather heels. The only trace of another color was her pale, porcelain skin, and the black parasol she held, closed.

Her name, you ask?

Madame Rouge.

And another man stood there with her - no, not with her. In front of her. He was backed against the wall, whimpering and shivering, his hands pressed flat against the brick as if trying to claw his way through the surface. Rouge stood in front of him, a large, maddened smile playing across her lovely features, her parasol placed against a ground like a walking stick. "Hello, filthy, darling human," she purred, leaning in a tad closer. The man pressed further back in vain.

Rouge nearly laughed; she'd once been a human.

The smell of champagne washed over her senses, leaving her in a dizzy haze of bubbles and shrieks of laughter. The chandelier, glowing a bright yellow from the center of the lavish room, seemed to swirl in her vision as she walked dazedly about. Her heels wobbled, threatening to topple over, but she managed to stay on her feet miraculously well. She didn't remember how many men she'd danced with, nor how many her lips had met; did it matter, though?

Somewhere in the far-off distance, a high pitched giggle wafted through her ear; oh, was that her?

"Melody! Melody, come here, that new darling is here, he's looking ravishing..."

Someone tugged on her arm, and she blinked lazily.

Melody...oh, yes, Melody. She was Melody. Right.

Humans, so concerned with trivial things - who cared about feeding the damn dog? Who cared about keeping up farces of dignity and grandeur? Who cared about them? No one, Rouge laughed. And they were so ridiculously scared of death, of pain, of blood, even. How could a being be scared of blood? It ran through their veins, it pulsed in their bodies...the sign of life, the sign of vigor-!

The metallic, biting scent invigorated her senses, sped up her heart. She loved the feel of the warm liquid spraying across her face when she cut someone open - she reveled in the feel of the liquid pooling in her hands as she dug her hand into a chest. The pulse, the thrum of the flowing blood, it...enthralled her. How could anything be as beautiful as this loveliness?

Rouge leaned in, trailing her nose over the shivering man's neck, before trembling as the scent hit her. She drew her arms tightly about herself, another laugh threatening to spill from her lips. "Your blood...the blood of you humans...strange, how you can be the dirtiest race, and have the most lovely blood..." Rouge mused, her voice whimsical. She danced her fingers over his neck, before they suddenly tightened in a vice-like grip around the flesh; in a dance of flailing limbs and terrified cries, her fingers tightened and her red nails dug into the skin. Rouge's smile widened.

"Oh my god! Melody! Are you okay?"

She vaguely recalled the hordes of people surrounding her in the courtyard of their school, where they'd been traipsing about during break time. And that unseemly rock she'd tripped over. Oh, my, was that blood on her knee?

She grimaced; the bright red, oozing out of the small wound, was enough to make her feel nauseous.

"Oh, ew, she's bleeding-! Someone get the nurse!"

Yes, someone get the nurse, she agreed. It hurt like hell. Ew, look at that blood...

When Rouge finally released the man, his form slumped to the ground, four thin lines of black and blue dotting his neck. She twirled around on one foot, her arms outreached to the sky, a lovely, enchanted grin on her features as she laughed hysterically. A set of footsteps reached her ears, then, and she came to a sudden halt just as another figure appeared in the alley. Another human man, this time...wearing some blue uniform. Oh, was he what they called the 'police'? Wonderful.

"Hey! You! What are you doing there?" The man's voice barked out.

Rouge remained silent, merely giving a large grin. With a grumble and a curse, the man stepped forward rapidly, his hand moving to muss the back of his head. "Listen, lady, you'd better get on going- Holy shit..." The man trailed off when he saw the corpse behind Rouge; instantly, his eyes moved to Rouge, eyes wide and a frown on his face. "What the hell? Lady, you'd better start talking, now-"

But Rouge merely tugged open her parasol, giggling. In a flash, she pulled at the handle; a long, thin blade emerged from the pole, and her giggling increased as she suddenly lunged forward to stab the ground with her rapier. In moments, to the very horror and amazement of the policeman, green vines began to creep out of the ground where the sword had struck. He stood rooted in place, unable to tear his gaze from the plants that were swiftly moving towards him, before he finally reached for his gun frantically.

But it was in vain.

The vines whipped up, one knocking away the weapon in his hand, the others wrapping tightly about his body.

And roses were blooming, blooming, on all the vines.

"Oh, isn't this just beautiful? Melody, you have the best garden ever!"

She smiled with a touch of pride, her eyes trailing approvingly over the vast indoor garden, separated from the rest of the earth by a glass building. A small group of people stood behind her - her classmates - as they murmured enviously to one another.

And a sea of roses, pink, red, blue, even, was everywhere. They grew in all corners of the large area, their beauty and scent washing over the senses of all spectators as they drew one in with their grace. She walked forward, knelt down, and flitted her finger over one of them.

With a small intake of breath, she clutched her finger, where a thorn had cut into.

A trail of red began to seep downwards, and she winced.

With another soft thump, the policeman fell limp to the floor.

Rouge's shoulders began to tremble, her arms locked around her; her head was down, so that one couldn't see her expression. A small whisper of something escaped her lips, that quickly escalated into a shrill shriek of laughter, laced with tones of thrill. Her head snapped back, her red hair flaring out, and her eyes were widened madly and her mouth was wide open to sound the loud laugh. "Red, red, red...look at all of this beautiful red-!"

And now, if one were to step back and look at the entire scene...

The walls around Rouge were splashed with a dark, dirty red, smelling strangely metallic as it trailed downwards. There were large marks and streaks of red, as if something bloody had been slammed against the wall and dragged across it. The two corpses about her had thorny vines wrapped around them, some of them even impaling through various limbs into the floor; they had large, open wounds everywhere, and seemed to have suffered extreme blood loss.

Rouge knelt by one of the men, prodding his side with the end of her umbrella. Dead. How silly.

Yes, Madame Rouge had once been human - Melody had been her name. Melody. That was a far-off, hazy dream - something akin to a very long dream that she'd just awoken from, to realize that her current life was much, much better than just a damn dream.

She'd been a prime human - rich, beautiful, arrogant...nearly almost always drunk in human emotions, waltzing away at pointless balls, finding sadness and joy in the most ridiculous things. She'd reveled in attention, cringed at the sight of blood, paled and cried at death. Now, now...she reveled in the scent of blood, cringed at the lack of blood, paled and cried at...nothing.

She had become something not human.

And she absolutely loved it.

Rouge's laughter finally quieted down to a small giggle, and she picked up her parasol, sheathing her sword once more. And in a light cadence of clacking heels, she exited the alley, as easily as she'd come.

Melody.

Rouge.

Human.

Monster.

...How easy it was to transition from one to the other.

All throughout your posts i can see only one flaw and this flaw is the fact that you have alot of character dialogue in your writing. Now since you already have one high powered character (A vice captain in fact) im going to quite harsh with this request and even though everything else is in tip top shape im afradi that you are Denied. Now usually i would give three sections to my overall look over: the review, the verdict and the advice. In this case i will place them all into a single paragraph to save time.My advice for this would simply be what i tell everybody else, think about what your character is saying and try to remove words or phrases that arent needed and come up with different 'shorter' ways for your character to say in order to get her point across. I realise she's mad and will thus babble alot, but this is the same for everyone and i cant overlook it here im afraid.